iMpErFeCt Me...

The Masquerade

2007-09-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

after much thinking, after reading thru my whole blog,
i've finally made up my mind to close this blog..
curtains down after so much misery...

this blog has contained too many things...
things that i don't want to rem anymore...

be it happy memories...
be it sad memories...
i have decided to dump them all away...
far away from my vision and thoughts...

i dun wanna be reminded of the past..
erasing all the unhappiness...
and starting a brand new life...

i will most probably do up another blog later...
for my brand new life...

thanks for all the support from my dear friends..
u guys know who u r...
thanks for being around when i needed someone...

thanks for the other readers whom i barely knew...
but were always so concerning...

till then folks!

The Final Blow

2007-09-24T17:44:00.000+08:00

everything came to light this late morning...
as i was sharing a new piece of news with bebe,
she shared a piece of news with me too....

mine was a happy news while hers was bad news...
but still i insisted on listening....
i told her i felt i'm love again...finally!
and she was happy for me but she had to break a news to me...

apparently jacky went to view her profile...
his status changed to in a relationship!
it didn't really shocked me as all along after seeing his nick in IM,
i suspected he had a gf already...
and this finally came to light....and the girl is someone i knew!

i went in to his profile and had a look...
saw all the pics of them..
i did feel a little sad but i guess the hurt is not that great anymore..

i thot i will be very affected..
i thot i will be very upset...
i thot i will breakdown...

but none of that happen...instead i was stronger....
i thot since now the light it's out and is very much expected,
i should plan to move a head too...

yes i'm a little sad, my heart did sink a little...
but i told myself it's all over..i can get over it!

time to bid farewell to 21 nov 2004...
and all the memories that i had till 2006....

life will start afresh from now on...from this very min, very sec...
i will not cry anymore, i will not look back...
i will stride on n succeed in my life...

Confused Me

2007-09-21T12:15:00.000+08:00

we did not meet up last week as he was sick...
we did not meet up this week too as i didn't hear from him...
many times i wanted to text him to see if he was better..
if he wanted to catch up over coffee this week..
but a force sort of told me not to do so...
something is telling me "wait for him to come to you"...

will he ever contact me to catch up over coffee?
will he ever take the initiative to contact me again?

i thot i have given it up completely..
i thot i could move on and find another love..
i thot i was all ready for another phrase of life...

but ystd night as i was talking abt him to someone......
my tears flowed down again...my heart ache once more..

am i really ready for a new life..for a new love?
should i move on or should i stay put and hold on?

i'm lost once again.......

Weekend Updates

2007-09-17T22:27:00.000+08:00

guess everyone must have been as excited as me for my weekend...
it was great but could have been better if every thing was in place..

friday, me and some friends attended teh TASTE SENSATION party..
it was at Hacienda..it's a launch of some new lychee liquer, DITA..
taste pretty nice especially with the pink grapefruit juice...
my boss swing by to join me for abit before we all head off...
bebe and guys went to meet JY for movie...
me and my boss off to Mulberry launch party..
it was also at Dempsey Hill..House..

this is the first fashion party i attended and it was an experience..
ppl there were all very well dressed..
head to toe..branded in a way or another..
caught fiona xie and qi yi wu there...fiona was not impressive at all..
she's just like a plain jane...whereas qi yi wu was amazing...
great hot bod but a pity he's not straight...

met many interesting ppl there...gays and lots of bitches...
but u know wat..the gays are all so handsome n well dressed..
love them to bits....

after that i went to a friend's place for house party...
continued drinking and eating there...
met many many ang mohs..
and i just couldn't take my eyes off this spanish guy...keke...
but i gotta leave and catch up with bebe and the rest for coffee..
ended the night at around 3am..

saturday was boring..did house cleaning with mum..
at night went for a spin with bebe on Jeff's new toy - WRX..
went to lim chu kang and then to east coast for some food at the HK cafe..
following that JY came along and we all decided to find a plc to chill...
we ended up buying drinks at 7-11 and then off to a bbq pit to chat...
chatted and laughed till 3.30am..and decided to head home...
but before that we went to the loyang dua pek gong temple...
the new temple is so impressive so grand and so lovely~

sun was family day...went to my aunt's place for dinner....
after which caught a movie with M at bishan..the last show...
we watched i pronouce u chuck and larry!
it's a hilarious show...great for ppl who needs some luffs!

and before we know it, it's mon again...
that's when the working blues begin.................

Explosive..

2007-09-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

my hp beep with an sms tone..
i tot it must be some news updates again..
but to my astonishment, it was him...

he sent me an sms at 14:22...
"when? ermm..sorie i was busy dis few dae, didnt reply u ah."

no words could describe my mood there..
my heart was like racing around..pumping hard..
to the extend i felt it was going to break out of my bod!

the feeling was explosive..
happier than strike toto! haha...

i've arranged for coffee on Saturday...
he says he will get back to me again to confirm..
i'm so so so HAPPY! u shld have seen my smile!

pls disregard the first paragraph of the prev blog..
"the secret" is really working for me!
i must continue to attract better...

Attracting Negative

2007-09-13T11:56:00.000+08:00

he did not call...he did not reply my sms...just as i expected..
guess i've not been attracting the positive...
i've been attracting more fear and negative stuff..
which resulted to this ending..

my legs are aching from the jog i had with bro on Tues..
after close to 10 yrs of no jogging, i jogged once again...
this is due to the fact that i've gained weight tremendously...

after 6 mths of not weighing, i took the courage to step on it...
49.5kg...read the digital weighing scale! i was like WTF...
this can't be..i got off and weighed myself again...49.5!
Affirmative...

i fucking need to get those extra kilos gained in 6 mths off!
5kg gained...time to go on my naturopathic diet..

again nottin seems to be in my favor..
i gotta stop this thinking and start attracting positive!

wish me luck...

On Cloud Nine

2007-09-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

i've never been so happy before during this past 2 yrs...
a simple msg at 7.13am brightens up my whole day..
filling me with great joy and energy throughout..

though it was just a simple greeting...
but the sender was the one who surprised me the most...
i guess most ppl would have guess who it was from...
it was from J.....

"Good morning my friend, how a nice day ahead ah!"
those were the words that brightens my eyes this morning..
i was lost and didn't know wat to reply...
in this 2 yrs it was the first time he took the initiative to msg me..

i was lost as to how to reply him...my boss thought me wat to reply..
and that kept the conversation going for a while...
and i even ask him to meet up for catching up...
amazingly he agreed..and most prob it will happen next week..
i was super duper glad...super duper happy...

is this a good start? juz let my vision?
is this going to be a brand new start for us as a friend???
i dare not read too much..and dun wanna think too much..
i am keeping my mind and feelings positive..

Sweet

2007-09-05T14:17:00.001+08:00

it's been awhile since i last spoke on the phone with someone for close to 3 hrs..
and what's more he is someone whom i barely even know..
i've been chatting with him over IM for a few years but have not met him b4..
and amazingly the chat went on fully...M shall be the way i address him..

M is a really humourous and funny guy who will never bore u...
it's not the jokes that he tells coz he tells no jokes..
but it's more of his bubbly, energetic and entertaining character..

oh did i also mention that he was so sweet to give me a morning call...
and to add on to that, he is not working today but he woke up just for that call..
he certainly brightens up my morning and sweetened it alot..
as his first sentence made me laugh real hard..

maybe it's time to meet up with him soon...
to see the real him and to know him more...

who knows what the meeting might bring?

200 Pounds Beauty Byul Music Video sang by Kim Ah-Joong

2007-08-31T11:40:00.001+08:00

Translation of the song:-

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walkthough my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

Another Week

2007-08-30T10:19:00.001+08:00

another week is passing by...this is real fast..

i'm starting to feel that age is catching up soon! lol..

last week, friday we celebrated my best frd's birthday..

i brought her to marmalade pantry for dinner...

and she was amazed by their braised lamb and brownie..

glad she enjoyed the meal and the lil surprise..

time has been really hard for her lately..hope this cheer her up abit

next we met up with the rest of the guys for karaoke session..

not too many ppl but enuff to have a lively environment..

we have ppl singing..playing dices..and ppl snapping pics all the way..lol!

we ended the session at abt 2am and i guess everyone was hungry..

they decided to have prata for supper..i was like damn...

i am here trying hard to diet but then there they are tempting me!

in the end we all went to Mr Prata at Evans Road...

highly recommended place on tv for their prata..

but the overall comments after eating was so-so only..

except for the pizza prata..which was YUMMY!!! haha...

ended the night at abt 4am unknowingly..

gosh! can u imagine..i'm not clubbing and i still slept at 4am..

life is pretty stagnant for me now..

just some gatherings, chilling out, dinner and that's it!

my other joy now lies in travelling and shopping! lol..

next destination on my plan is Perth in end sept to visit a friend..

and hopefully Dec to Miami..

if not then an Xmas escape with Baby to nearby country..

tmr's Delphine's birthday and we are all going to her house..

i guess we are definitely gg to get pissed drunk..

coz i heard vodka's on the table..

chivas might be strolling in too...

and definitely our lovely red wines don't wanna miss the fun!

shall update with more pics after the party..

i'm ready to snap all the wild pics...

enjoy ur weekend guys~

Ta!

Scariest Moment

2007-08-23T10:11:00.000+08:00

awaking in the quiet morning with the gentle breeze makes me lazy to head off to work..
reluctantly, i climbed out of my bed and headed for the bathroom..
the warm shower refreshes my whole body and mind..
getting rid of the lazy morning feeling..
i love mornings as they are always so peaceful and slow..

after the refreshing shower, as usual i headed to my room..
scanning through my clothes wondering what to wear..
i put on this navy blue trousers and i tot it looks perfectly great..
next i tried a white spag top with red ribbon..
it looks gd..but i realised i had a piece of "extra flesh" popping out..
popping out below the waist line..
so i thot ok..i should change to another top..something longer and softer..
i choose a grey racer back top and told myself this is going to be ok..
BUT to my horror, i could also see my accumulated fats!

i looked into the mirror feeling ugly and sad..
and i told myself..it's time to do something abt that spare tyre..
i gotta be more disciplined..no more alcohols..no more supper..
i gotta be more disciplined in working out..
from today onwards i will seriously climb the stairs up to my hse..
i will try jogging but if my tummy hurts i will brisk walk..
i will do my krunches every night..
my target to regain my flat tummy is a month's time..

my dear friends, pls keep reminding me to wrkout...
pls dun remind me to slack..i need ur support badly..

i wanna look into the mirror once again and see the old me....

Real or Fantasy

2007-08-20T14:05:00.000+08:00

sorry guys..once again i was missing in action for awhile..
was extremly busy with lots of stuff for myself n my best frd..

past few weeks was terrible..
baby's grandma passed away on national day...
i tot she might need someone to be around,
so i was there for 2 nights..

following that, mon night dad got admitted to hosp..
he was in great pain from his perinal abcess..
and he need some operation to remove the infection..
he did the operation on tues and was discharged on thurs..

and yes as u may have guess it right..
i did not party for the last 2 weeks..
was it bcoz i'm grown sick of it or i was simply too tired?
not too sure myself either..

but i know one thing for sure is that i've been having supper!
now i'm working hard to train my abs..coz i've got a tummy!!
and i'm getting paranoid over it..
i started my sit-ups ystd night and will continue again today..
hee hee..hope to see some results soon!

so no more booze and late night supper!
i'm saying bye-bye to them..

Fresh Start?

2007-08-08T09:30:00.000+08:00

finally met up with my buddy after so long..
life in perth is apparently quite well for him..
and i'm happy and glad for him too..

we went ktv ystd and talked alot about our past..
then came to this J topic..
i told him abt how i still feel for J..
and he gave me a real good brain washing..
after thinking about what he said,
i sort of woke up a fair bit..

maybe it's just time to let go..
many men have came into my life for this past 3 yrs..
but never once did i ever give any of them a 2nd thot..
coz all these while, though i've said i've let go..
but i've not really did it..
he also told me whatever is past is past..it will not return..
but i rebutted him if it is mine it will come back..
and he said how sure can u be..
he urged me to move on and start a new life and drop him...

i tot of it for the whole night..maybe it's really time..
time for me to let someone into my life..
for someone to be there for me once again..

New Style...New Life?

2007-08-06T16:01:00.000+08:00

sorry have not been updating...
no doubt i was very much looking forward to HK trip..
but it was not fun at all..boring place like SIN..

anyway lots of thing happen lately..
firstly my best frd is gg thru a really tough period of time..
i pray and hope for her dad and granny to recover soon..
and also for her to stand up on her feet again really soon!

next is another person whom i have always treasure..
shall name him K..other than Jacky, he is the next one..
but guys he is not my bf..i wish he was though..haha!
K seems to be gg thru some serious problems too..
had a gd talk with him over msn..hope it helps!
certainly hopes he gets better soon too..
and walk out of his current situation real soon..

as for myself, works seems to be quite slow here..
but i'm still ok so far..
oh ya and i had a new hair cut! i've cut my hair short!!

but as for my family, was told dad had a relapse ystd..
and once again he refuse to go to the hospital..sigh!
really worried abt it now..

among all the bad things happen above,
i'm still lucky to have met Marcus....
he is such a nice gentleman..i first met up with him on Wed..
went for jap dinner and then couple of drinks..
following that he sent me home..and guess what..
he bought me a box of Pocky while he was pumping petrol!
afraid i would be hungry later..so nice right!
then following that he asked on out on sunday lunch..
brought me for dim sum then followed by some strolling..
in the gardens and art house..then sent me back again..
and again he bought me pocky while we were at the petrol kiosk!
though it's only pocky but i can feel his sincerity!
really nice to have known him..but he came at a wrg time..

coz in my heart now only lives 2 men..2 impossibles..
1 Jacky and 1 K...

looking forward to our break on thursday!

enjoy ur holidays folks!

Out of Town

2007-07-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

Hi Guys,

I'm off to Hong Kong for my shopping and well deserved break...haha..
baby is in tioman scuba diving now i believe..
hope she is enjoying herself too!

stay tune for from when i return home on 1 Aug!!

Have a great weekend ahead...

Cheers~

My Love My Fate

2007-07-23T16:32:00.001+08:00

this song is really sad...it keeps playing repeatedly in my mind..

no idea y though??

Chill Week

2007-07-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

this weekend was a rather quiet one with not much happenings..
many will find it weird and impossible for someone like me..
but it's very true..guess i was juz not in the mood ba..

fri night i was at home...msn-ing till god knows wat time...

sat night was abit more..my cousin organised bbq @ sembawang park..
i went down to join in the fun and below are some pics that we took..

setting up the pit...

the best bbq team..

look at all that food

the aunties team..

finally..my fav melting marshmallows...

after bbq i headed home..had my shower..and headed out again..
went ee bar to meet some old friends cum customers..
had a couple of drinks, played some card games..
and headed home..no feeling of joy though..
guess i may be sick of clubbing...hahaha

sunday night which is today, i allowed myself to sink in my sofa..

enjoying the non-stop movies on scv ch62...
munching into watever snacks i have at home..

wat a relaxing week..
hmm..looking forward to tmr's dinner for dad's birthday..

till then~

Down on Luck

2007-07-20T15:02:00.000+08:00

am i down on luck lately? have been having falls this month with brusies all legs...
it all started on 1st july..while i was still wrking in Ee bar..
i actually tripped over the stage and fell flat..ended up with 3 big blue blacks..
next was also at ee bar..my leg actually knocked onto the table..
most recent was tues..as i was walking on the road, i dono wat happen i fell..
and my knee now is so bruised..sigh!

friends said it all happened coz i've been quite listless lately..
some say there must have been alot of things on my mind..
others say it's time to visit the temple to pray..

whatever it is..i hope it will not affect my new job
as my new boss has really high expectations...

next thing i'm looking forward to now is my HK trip..
another 8 more days to go..but i've also just received news that my buddy is returning on 27..
which means i might be missing a chance to meet up with him..how sad!
hope he doesn't leave till i'm back and have caught up with him...

meanwhile, weekends are here again! have a great weekend folks~
Ta~

Blessings

2007-07-15T18:52:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i really blog of what's happening in my life...
maybe i'm just too tired to write anything..
maybe i juz don't want to mention..
maybe i juz don't wanna think..
ESCAPING might be popping up in ur head when u r reading this entry..
but seriously i'm not..sometimes mentioning juz makes u think more..

enough of my stuff..lots of ppl seems to be getting married lately..
i first came to know WK is getting married..
JT might be getting married soon..
Luckily no news of J getting married or not i would have gone berserk! haha..

but the happiest thing is that one of my best friend is getting married!
she already got ROM with the man that I know too but has been hush..
looking forward to their big night..
girl, wishing u and him bai tou dao lao!
really glad that you have found your happiness and lifetime partner..

to my another best friend baby...i know exactly how u feel now..
fear not..u r not on this boat alone...i know it's a really rough patch..
but i know you will get over it in time to come..
i will be here for u like u were here for me..
i will be there for you when u need me...
coz u r my dearest friend, soul mate, play mate...
with your determination put in the right place, u will be fine soon!
we've juz started our party time together..enjoy it to the fullest..

lastly to all my dear friends/cousins that i've neglected..
pardon me as i'm really on a tight schedule..love you guys to bits!
*muacks muacks*

Before I Fall in Love

2007-07-11T15:32:00.000+08:00

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true,could you really be
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know,before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now,
Before I fall in love

Relocating

2007-07-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I started working in this new company. New office, new environment and new culture as this is an indian start up company..luckily there are only 2 of them sitting here which the rest are all chinese.

It's pretty quiet and boring in this office as we all have partitions into things like our own cubicle and ppl are all hiding in their pte cosy room. And honestly, i don't think there's anyone here who shares the same character and interest as I do..so no common topic to talk abt..sian right..anyway, i'm meeting an ex client of mine whom i service while i was in RSP. she has left her company too and she is looking for someone who can work in HK..she has approached me and would like to talk more abt it with him..i'm so excited. hope she can clinch the deal in HK so that i will have a chance to wrk out of SG. am meeting up with her later for lunch. changing jobs again..alot of ppl must be cursing and swearing at me now..haha..

at the other end of the world, J (another J..not the J that i used to always mention..haha) is still calling me almost everyday now. can sort of sense his sincerity but then again who knows wat he is doing in shenzhen now. so far he seems quite a caring and nice man despite the fact that ppl say he is a flirt. but i'm leaving all the comments apart to understand him better..a man 10 yrs older than me may sound ridiculous to alot but then again if he is the right man or rather if he is fated to be there's nothing i can say..

what's up in my life, seriously nottin very much interesting..haha..wat do u expect in sg? lol..i'm now looking forwad to my HK trip in 24 days time..

Brand New Week

2007-06-27T21:44:00.000+08:00

i sort of ended my nightlife job since the beginning of this week as i've got a new day job..once again back into recruitment..my rice bowl..haha..but it's with an indian agency..dono how long i will be able to stay in this co. looking at it right now it's not too bad..only thing no commission..

though it's coming to a week, honestly, i'm not very used to day job..i very very much prefer the work in nightlife..i'm so much happier and stress free there..time pass faster as well..colleagues are all so lovable...but then again..nightlife is not a place i can wrk for long unless i open a pub myself..which is so so soooo hard...

lots of stuff happen this week...D calling me crying over the phone saying her mum wanna force her to get married again..then B called me crying also saying that she is feeling very hurt and upset bcoz of wat that idiot has done..

listening to their stories..one force to love, another one daringly love and get hurt..all these makes me take a step backwards once again...what on earth is love about? and wat the fuck it is that makes ppl go crazy and bonkers....

i pray and hope both my dear friends will get over this period soon...and meet someone whom they love and the other partner truly love them back..and to the baddies, hope they get their retribution..the gods are watching u!!

Unfilial

2007-06-20T04:59:00.000+08:00

have been having alot of arguments with my mum..i know she is extremely upset that i gave up my job at RSP and started working in nightlife. i know she is worried about my safety and my health..but honestly alot of ppl take gd care of me when i am there..baby should know it best coz she saw me work there before..ppl in that place are not as rowdy as they think..mostly r business men..

and bcoz of my life now, it has caused mum and dad to quarrel alot..i'm really feeling terribly guilty..but wat i was thinking in the other side was y can't they trust me? y can't they juz let me try and gain more experience when i'm still young...

juz happened to read the msn history of my bro and god sis..monday i cooked pasta for my colleagues and i did ask my mum n bro if they want any.....they said no..i asked more than once and they gave me that determined ans..but in the end i read in my bro msn that he said i cooked for my colls and treat them better than my family..i brought all the food to wrk and didn't leave anything for them..how saddening that was for me when i saw it..how come when at the back of my mind i keep thinking abt my family but to them i heck care abt them..

i really love them and i work so hard to earn more money so that i can bring them out to enjoy..have a nice dinner..buy them some things that they like but to them i'm only a rebellious kid who is not filial...a stubborn kid who always create troubles and worry..a kid who is driving my parents to depression...how come no one in my family understand my character...i'm juz a strong and independent girl who is seeking for my own future to provide a better life for my parents..i dun want them to wrk till their hair turn white...i rather wrk hard when i'm young so that i can reap whatever i've sowed! they really think i enjoy quarrelling with them and making them sad?? it hurts me 2 times deeper whenever my mum cry and whenever my parents quarrel bcoz of me...alot of times i even feel like giving up myself to stop their misery..all i need is their understanding in order for me to move further.....

i really love my family..this is for sure..and who in the world knows??? no one perhaps.........
i'm such a failure....

I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!

Loved

2007-06-16T16:08:00.000+08:00

slept at 9am today and woke up at 3pm by the ring of my doorbell...inside me i was swearing which irritating sales man is that again...but instead it was a sweet and pleasant surprise..another bouquet of flowers from him..

he seems to be serious about things and he rings me everyday without fail since he went to china for work..isn't he sweet?? maybe i should give him some serious consideration...

the 1st bouquet of flowers

the 2nd bouquet which arrived today..

once again i felt that i'm being loved after so long.....

Getting a little touched...

2007-06-13T17:15:00.000+08:00

after close to 3 yrs since i left him, honestly i have never got him out of my heart before..no doubt i have 2 other relationships after that..but deep in me i always think abt him..maybe those 2 are juz meant to be used to forget him...u may say that i'm a selfish bastard..but who cares..love is selfish in the first place!

anyway after that 2 men, i started to think back and realise that i can't love completely and start all over again is bcoz of HIM..but from my last 2 entry i promised everyone that i will have a new start all over again..and i think i'm about to begin slowly ba..giving others a chance to enter my life..

the first guy who i start to feel some liking for unfortunately is not the guy that i will have as he has got a gf...dono y i'm so attracted to him till one day it suddenly strike me that his character is similar to J..but he has a gf already and is the super devoted kinda man..congrats to his girl!

next is this customer of mine at Ee Bar that i met about a week ago..think he is around his late 30s ba, filthy rich man, tall and not too bad looking..all started when he asked my boss for permission to bring me out for dinner on last thurs and will be late for work..and boss agreed..so we went for dinner then had some wine at shangri-la..the ambience was awesome! following that he was almost at ee bar every night...even on sunday, he asked me out for dinner and drinks at city space...wat surprised me most and touched my heart a little was the bouquet of flowers he sent to my place..a dozen pink and red roses...it's been so long since i received such surprise liao..BUT alot of ppl tell me to beware of him..coz he is a SUPER flirt who never settles down in a relationship..actually i knew that from all the things that he has done..but my dearest Aunty D told me go ahead Stef and learn to pull and let go..for all u know u will be the true love he has found! hahaha...

have been wanting to share this piece of news with u guys but was too busy and dono how to type it out yet..coz honestly J still is in my heart only i surpress it so that it doesn't come back..anyway i hope all the above is a gd start for me as from these incidents i can somehow feel that my heart starts to feel for others again..

Life

2007-06-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling miserable insdie now..i just quarrelled with my mum..heated argument..

she blames me for the job i wrk at ee bar that caused me to resign from RSP...but that is not the fact..y no one really understands me, watever i do and how i feel deep within..whatever i'm doing is not for my own good..i wrk so hard for fuck! i just want to earn more money, let my parents have a gd life...but to them, working in a nightlife, dressing up sexily, gg clubbing are all bad bad stuff! can someone knock some sense into them please..especially my mum..

i myself already feel guilty that i don't have much time for them eversince i started ee bar's job i know that i neglected them and they are not happy..but look i'm still young and all i want to do is earn more money, work more jobs of diff field to see more things and learn more things in life! no doubt i have work so hard i have not save any money yet..that is due to the bills i owed..but now i have cleared everything, mum still start nagging abt my bills..say i no money management skills..i agree..mum also dun trust my words anymore coz she thinks i keep lying coz i dun tell her things..alot of things i dun say is bcoz i dun want my parents to worry...y they never understand..

i'm feeling so sick..so tired of life! my life has never ever been smooth sailing before..ppl always say no matter what happens, ur family will stick the closest to u and give u the best support but i really dun think so..my pillar of strength and support does not stand in line with me once...not having a partner to dote on me is already bad enough..now not having ur family to support u makes it all worse!

i'm not asking for anything more..i just want my parents to trust me just one last time and let me do what i am doing and believe in me! this will give me enough strength to move on..is that alot to ask for??

2007-05-30T14:54:00.000+08:00

时间可以待带走很多东西，然而却带不走在心中的记忆，
不管距离有多要遥远，时间还有多长，
我都会永远记住你，因为在我心中种下了想念你的种子

就让一切在今天落幕，让往事成为回忆，
从新开始美丽的新人生

Busily Sick

2007-05-14T14:57:00.000+08:00

it has been awhile since i wrote here again..have been terribly busy and terribly sick for the past week...been down with fever, flu and irritating cough for the past week with fever of 39 degrees for 3 consecutive day...never have i felt so sick before!

think this muz be due to the fact that i'm pushing myself too hard...now i'm wrking 2 jobs a day..one is my day job another is my night job at a friend's mth old club..helping out with his A&P stuff..super duper shag..but wanting to do something for night life has always been on my mind and yes it is indeed more fun than day job..but guess i'm putting a stop to the night job soon as it is really taxing to wrk on 2 jobs!

alot of ppl ask how come so hardworking..are u really so in need of money..i told them no la! i juz wanted to experience the different trade and see more learn more while i'm still young..

to all those ppl who have been wondering wat happen to me..y did i disappear from friendster, multiply, blogger and msn, i've perfectly fine! still having slight cough and flu though..but will take gd care of myself..or maybe find a man to take care of me..keke!

till then.cheerios!

Wed Nights

2007-04-30T14:33:00.000+08:00

was always so negative about St James Powerhouse..till 2 weels ago when i revisited it again with my good friends..it was ladies night on wed n they told me it's a night full of rnb songs..so i was thinking since it's rnb y not go down and have a look again..

and before i know it, i was stuck in it..we were to go home at 2am as we still gotta work the next day..but the songs were getting better which makes it more difficult to leave..but all in all, luckily i have disciplined friends who asked me to go on time and i can still go hm n rest and wake up fresh the next day for work..have gone there 2 times on wed and i believe i will be gg again this wed..haha! below are some pics of the party animals..

tmr is PH..haha..so happy man! finally one lesser day to wrk in a week..simply lurve it! but at the same time..quite worried abt the figures..not much potential closure this month...enjoy ur labour day everyone!

Something to Share

2007-04-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

chanced upon this video from my friend, zycro's blog..it is damn funny and pay attention to the SG part..it best describes what we are now..lol!

weekends are here once again..enjoy yourself my dear friends! those who are stress go out have a couple of drinks and shake it off..those who are low in spirits, party hard and forget everything and start a new chapter again..life is full of ups and downs let's juz move ahead and remove all barriers!

Have a great weekend!

Horrible Week

2007-04-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

Last week was a terrible week at work but nonetheless everything was sort of compensated from my friday outing at zouk..

it's been awhile that i've been to zouk and it was all thanks to zycro friend that we got free entry to phuture due to some navy event..and it was also the first time round i meet up with the ppl i've talking to all the while online..thru zycro i knew them..susan, eve, jetson, raymond, candy, yan and her sis! zouk as usual was super packed that day..think it was due to the r&b night..the music didn't really come in as good until about 1am..and by then we were all feeling too stuffy and wanted to leave already..

despite the stuffiness, it didn't dampen our spirit as we did lots of camwhoring..haha..below are some pics of the event..and of course with the company of these wonderful friends, boredom slipped off my mind..and i was shocked that i blended in so well with them knowing my anti-socialness...

pardon the photo as the lights in phuture makes it hard for gd pics..lol

fortunate guy..many r envious of him..lol

yan, eve, moi

the girls for the evening..

now u know y we all so slim..3 to a plate of bee hoon goreng...

our bodyguards for the night..lol

*smooches*

credix: photos from Eve

Is this the right job

2007-04-19T09:23:00.000+08:00

sigh..ystd has been the worst day ever for me since i joined this company 7 mths ago..and this set me pondering once again if it was the right job for me..i hate to have this kinda feeling started as i know if it did and i do not curb it i will walk out of this job once again..and many will feel i'm silly if i do it..high pay n good benefits..but i somehow felt my boss could be better if he improves his management skills..n it's not just me who felt this way but everyone did too..

was late for fault ystd with many thanks from SMRT train fault..rang him close to 9am as i knew i will be late..and i am expecting a candidate for coffee at 930am. Train fault was already not good to start my day..next was an email from boss regarding lateness..he expects me to call him at 830am to let him know if i will be late..and for fuck sake, how the hell can i ever predict what is going to happen the very next min! i was not late intentionally..so how was i suppose to inform him i will be late when i dun even know it myself..third was a sms from a candidate rejecting the offer after me putting in so much effort to get him the job which he showed so much interest in.

the candidate rejection was a great blow..i spoke with him and advised him to think properly for more than 3 hrs..but he still stands at his own decision..good luck to him. oh ya, boss even spoke with my coll and ask me what they felt of my character, they all said i'm nice and i'm a performer in the company with results..den he actually said well most of the roles were not closed by her..i helped her close it..she just search for candidates! i was like wtf..i did all the follow up work, get the figures, speak to candidate, close the deal and do the paper work and that's what he said! so upset..once again i felt i'm not being appreciated..but the pay here is damn good..so i have to TOLERATE for the sake of money! for once i'm doing something against my own wish...it sucks!

Friends

2007-04-12T10:22:00.000+08:00

a msn came blinking on my screen while i was on the line with a candidate yesterday morning.."it's been 8 days since you last updated your blog and i've been refreshing the page everyday to see if there's anything new.."

i was like WOW..so i have a attentive reader who is so looking forward to my post and so concern about what's happening to me..haha..anyway, he's going to miss my blog as he is going on a 2 weeks trip to tibet on Fri..but he still assures me that nonetheless if he ever stops by any internet cafe he will pop in to have a read every few other days..and he even mention that he has my URL right in his heart..how touching can that be..lol..anyway mate, have a good trip and enjoy yourself..take more pics come back and show me k...haha..oh ya..dun come back become a lama hor..hee hee..

nothing much to blog about..have been sick..down with fever and splitting headache..think i'm too heaty..getting on fire..work has been quite slow moving lately and that is causing some stress on my figures..but i'm glad i took up the exotic dance thinggy as it releases some stress off me! baby is sick too..she's down with swollen eyes..guess she also too heaty..maybe too much chocolates for us! baby get well soon and drink more herbal tea!!

oh..my lesson 2 of the exotic dance i got praised by my teacher for a nice body wave done..she pointed at me as we were doing it and said good curve..keep it up! i was like r u serious..i tot i was still like a wooden plank! haha..anyway dance classes is the thing that i'm so looking forward to now..

as i am typing something came up to my mind..i met some new fun filled friends from zycro's webby..though i have not met them yet, but i can already image how fun loving they can be from the daily tags we have..will be going out with them next Friday to Zouk..our first meeting..can't wait for the day to arrive! thanks zycro for introducing me to ur friends...

My very first dance class

2007-04-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

Accompanied by a dear friend, i embarked on my very first dance class at 7pm yesterday at Attitude Dance School. ..guess what dance it was that i took..salsa..no..belly dance..no..pole dance..no..EXOTIC DANCE...

it was a great 1.5hr session..the instructor was Luv..trust me, she's damn hot and sexy when she dance..i really adore her when she manourve her body..really wish to be like her after i completed the dance class..but ppl it ain't easy to achieve what she has..we did abt half an hr of warm up before we started dancing and mate, it definitely hurts...the warm up is as good as yoga..

but i find that it was all worth it as they really taught you how to bring out the sexiest part of your body and refine your movements! i love the butt and the body touching thinggy..hmm..i felt great after the lesson although i was dead beat..i also feel so much lighter and cheerier..even when i step into office this morning, everyone said i look so radiant..heh...

i'm falling in love with Exotic Dance..

Just Some Thoughts

2007-03-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

pls ignore my posts lately if it has all been too depressing for you to read on..i dun need any sympathy or whatsoever...but i guess this is just a little place for me to just pin down how i feel in my heart instead of keeping them all inside which will make me bersek soon..one of my cousin has also mentioned that my blog is full of emotions while i told him his is full of pics..lol..

guess i'm juz having abit of mood swing and on the low side lately..don't really feel like speaking too much with anyone..somehow i just wanna hide in my own little corner with my own little mind..lately i have been chasing this HK drama serial - Dicey Business...in this show, xuan xuan fell in love with the CEO of a casino..she daringly expressed her love and he too showed his interest in her..but due to some reasons that he had to seek revenge, he gave her up for the fear of her getting harmed. Obviously Xuan Xuan didn't know this and she was devastated..but they were only together for 2 days...this set me pondering again..

and i came to realise alot of things..in a relationship, everything actually started even before you were together..the sweetest memories are those during the courtship period..and these are the most vivid memories everyone has in their heart. it is not the time they spent together. usually when u hear ppl mention about a bad relationship, they will always speak about the times they had together and the ones that makes them happiest and devastated are those in the courtship time rather than dating time..

time has never ever been set as a factor in a good relationship..the most important thing is the process of the relationship..how both parties keep the flame going...if one party just decided to slack off, the flames just get dimmer each day...but then again, to keep the flame going is never a easy thing too..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't breathe easy
Can't sleep at nightTill you're by my side
No I can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air
Curse me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Curse me inside
I won't forget, no i won't baby,
I don't know why
I left the one I was looking to find

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for

- Breathe Easy (Blue)

New Office AGAIN

2007-03-23T11:29:00.000+08:00

yup yup...i'm now sitting comfortably in our new office..we shifted again..this time 2 doors again..more spacious and with a better view..we got the view of boat quay and clarke quay..of coz including that singapore river...hee hee..

hope this room and new place will bring me good luck! i definitely need tons of that...later we will be having a great lunch with our CEO who came down from sydney..lots of drinking again..

sort of not feeling too great though as I'm having a hard time hunting for people with antivirus, IPS and IDS skills. i guess april will be a bad month for me again..sigh...

Walk of Life

2007-03-20T14:52:00.000+08:00

was talking to a friend on msn ystd night and we were sort of debating the kinda expectations that i have on myself regarding work is too harsh..somehow i felt yes it might be harsh but i just wanted to carve some thing out with my own hands..some thing i can proudly say i attained on my own..

anyway after the chat i was smoking at my window and i suddenly saw this I NEED YOU postcard on my bulletin board..it was written by J to me last time..suddenly alot of thoughts came gushing into my mind again and i got all emotional..lying on my bed later i start to realise i miss him alot..infact alot is not enuff to mention it..i've been missing him all these while for the past 2 yrs but i was trying to escape the reality..but it's all hidden and buried deep in my heart..i miss...

having him sleeping next to me..curdling me to slp..coaxing me like a baby to slp..
having waking up in the morning with his sleepy face next to mine..
the times when i wake him up early on weekends coz i'm craving for mc breakfast..
the comforting hugs and kisses i get from him when he pick me up after wrk..
rubbing my face in his chest when i'm lost, stressed and unhappy..
the saturdays roller bladding session at ECP..
the sundays swimming and lazing at hm..
the times you get angry with me for some stupid things i have done..
the way you quarrel with me trying to make me understand your pt of view
the window shopping moments
eating mala steamboat with you having swollen lips
crying in your arms when i get really terrible mood swings
washing and waxing that car of yours every week
cooking and having our meals together
the surprises you always give which perks up my life

most importantly i miss having you around by my side! it's been 2 years but somehow all these memories are still so fresh in me..read a post in my friend's blog today..i know it's easy to say sorry but it's hard to forgive one's fault..and today i just have to live with the mistakes i made..

i know i must move on and i'm doing that..but if one day, i were to lose my memories, i would only wanna rem this section of my life..these 2 yrs that i've enjoyed..as these were the happiest moments ever and the only moments so far that i felt love and happiness!

i dono for how long will i be able to maintain this blog but i certainly wanna maintain it till i grow old..coz i started this blog when i was with him..it holds the walks of my life..my joy, my sorrow..and i hope one day when we all grow old, we can still look at this blog and reminisce the old times we had....

Lethargic Week

2007-03-19T23:15:00.000+08:00

last week was so much of a healthy lifestyle for me..i didn't go clubbing..i was at hm lazing and sleeping for friday.

On Sat I attended a memorable event at China Club..My eldest aunt's 50th wedding anniversay with her dearest husband..it indeed was a touching event with some tears from my aunt when we got them to drink the nuptial moet champagne..

I gotta say she has a great life as she has rich and capable children to be throwing such a party for her..imagine the amount of money spent on this lavish event..the cutlerys that we were using were of top grade Royal Bone China..and not to mention the food was superb! fresh and juicy prawns, scallops, sea cucumber that melts in your mouth and a huge piece of shark fin with chunks of fresh crab meat for each individual..and of coz not forgetting the crispy roast pig and the succulent fish! there were just so yummy...

on top of that, this was also a good gathering for the whole family as you see everyone bonding, chatting happily and cameras go snapping away as they pose for it with wide smiles on everyone faces..below are some pics of the night..

the capable sons and daughters
the chan family..

my fav pic for d whole event..somehow i felt all the happiness for the night in this pic...

Dinner ended at around 11pm and we all rushed home to catch some rest as the next day was the CNY gathering thinggy at my place..reached home at ard 1130pm..bath and slept at 12am..

Sunday..I woke up at 9am to prepare stuff for the day..luckily this yr dad need not cook lunch and it meant lesser work for me..everything ended at abt 745pm..after a whole day of hosting, trust me, i was dead beat..but i guess the most pitiful person is filo as she was cooped up whole day in my bro's room as some of my aunts are afraid of dogs and there are some kids around..

ended my sunday at 1030pm..went to bed and woke up at 630am this morning to prepare myself for wrk as there is a board meeting that starts at 830am today..guess it's abt time i get to bed now too as my eyes are failing me..lol..gd nite.

Happy Birthday Filo

2007-03-15T15:44:00.000+08:00

today marks the 1st birthday of my little precious..time really files..i have her with me for about 9 months already...it seems like just yesterday that i brought her home..lol..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FILO!!!

Changes

2007-03-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

was packing my room just now going thru all the junks lying around my room..clearing all the letters and cards chucked in my drawer..as i was clearing, i saw so many thing which brought back so much memories of the past 4 years...beginning year 2003..

2003 should have marked the happiest days of life all the way till mid 2005...as during this period of time, i felt wat true happiness was admist my simple life which many would have claimed it was boring..but to me it was not as I have him by me and we share every little things that we encounter...but a stupid and foolish me did so much wrong and left all my happiness in a confussion state thinking that my decision was right..but only at the end of a few weeks did i realise that the decision does not tally with my heart..but it's all too late..too late...

now i only have memories to keep...today while clearing my room, tearing away the unwanted junk mails, collaterals and stuff, i chanced upon a few cards which he wrote and gave it to me occassionally expressing his tots..he has never been a very expressive person in speaking but from writing, i know exactly how he feels..i can feel it thru his words..

and as i was cleaning my shelves, shifting every little ornaments aside to make way for my cleaning, i suddenly realise once again my room is filled with stuffs from him in every little corner..and at that instant, i can somehow felt a gush of tear rushing out of my eye..but i just put the things back controlling my emotions..the item that hit me worse was the precious moments xmas gift..1st pressie i ever received from him and it says the first xmas together..which was so meaningful..the next item in line was the first V day pressie..a bouquet of blue roses handmade by him..there's suppose to be 99..i have never counted it before as it's really huge and i am seriously so touched by it..

once again i felt so miserable...tears became uncontrollable as i'm writing this...they just start to glide down my cheeks..i finally realise the real meaning of not to make mistakes which will bring regrets...coz that is exactly what i have been feeling for the past 2 yrs..though i have been partying, laughing, enjoying my life, but i have never ever felt the true and real happiness the day i choose to leave him..i lost my direction in life only plunging all my hope into my career..

my buddy spoke with me recently and told me he is glad that i have a stable and gd career here in sg..but i told him so what?! honestly speaking, i rather lead a simple life like what he is having now and enjoy the moments of happiness..as at the end of the day, money can never ever buy you happiness...so ppl, treasure the happiness that you have and pls do not let any small factor or a moment of anger rob you away of what you have treasured all along...

Hey Hey Hotpot

2007-03-12T13:12:00.000+08:00

last weekend i finally gotta meet up with baby and D for some sumptous meal...we went to this interesting dim sum hotpot at parklane..this shop is own by Terrence Cao...and the name of the shop is Hey Hey Hotpot..if i were to rate the dining experience there, it gotta be 4/5..the waitresses are friendly, the food is fresh and the bosses there are all nice and chatty too..we had a great dinner with great company, great food and great laughter..below are some pics to make you drool...

from the inside out, two basket of dim sum (char siew pau and har gao), drunken prawns in that glass pot, golden mushroom, 2 plates of pork..

that's our shark soup base, cai xin, real crab meat stick, beef balls, meat balls, fried beancurd skin, fresh oysters, next to pepsi is the beef that D finished by himself!!

closer look of the crab stick, meat balls, oysters and the crab roe dumpling..

We had a super fulfilling dinner and following that some dessert and jokes with Terrence Cao..followed by smoke break..

After that, we went across the road in this pub called Liquid Gold as Baby's friend is working there..it was quite a chill place with ktv..sang a few songs..had a few drinks and met up with some really old mates of ours..oh and a surprised guest turned up too..and that was jerry! as usual when he sees me i gotta drink less and smoke less...anyway, my last friday was a healthy day as i went home at 2plus..so much earlier and not much alcohol damage..haha

thanks baby and D for the evening!

Feeling Shaky

2007-03-06T12:24:00.000+08:00

i was on the phone with my candidate and for a split second i tot i was so terribly sick that i had such serious dizzy spells...i felt like i was shaking or spinning for a brief moment..

but luckily juz straight after that i got a msn blinking on my lappy with baby asking me if i felt some tremors and yes we all did..check with friends from diff area and most of us felt it..it came from the southern sumatra, yes indonesia again..this time the earthquake measured 6.3..i guess that's y lots of us felt it..we were told to evacuate our building and u see everyone frantically grabbing their bags and stuff hitting the lifts..

but all was well again in about 15 mins and we returned to our work desk...sigh! how i wish we could get longer break or half the day off..haha..

Terribly sick

2007-02-28T13:22:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling all awful now...awful emotionall, physically and in appearance..it has already been so for the past 3 days..

on monday, i woke up in the middle of the night feeling discomfort in my left eye..it swelled up and was red...then in the morning, my left cheek swell and so was my left eye..it looks as if i got beaten up badly the night before...

tues, went to work coz boss was not happy i was on mc on monday...my both eyes swell slightly and my left cheek had not subside yet...i was in no mood totally that i didn't even make up to go to work..can u imagine that..

today the swelling on my cheek did not subside at all...and ppl, i have stop smoking hoping it will help to cure the swell...

sigh..i feel so miserable now..how i wish there was a man who was here to dote on me now, sayang me and check on how i am...bring me to eat porridge or cook me porridge..coz my mum is still cooking rice! guess this is the time i need a man badly ba...

Fortune telling for Dog in 2007

2007-02-23T17:40:00.000+08:00

feeling abit more relaxed now as it's the end of the day and week..hence here comes the 2nd post..didn't realise i have not been posting for more than a week..

something interesting to share..my auntie was looking at some fortune telling books on the zodiac signs for 2007..i got her to analyze mine as it was all in mandarin (u guys know how sucky i am in chinese)..and it goes like that..

for fortune, this year, i will get promotion, increment or a little windfall..which i think already happened as i got a pay increment of 15%..woo hoo..

for health, this year, ppl born in the year of dog must take good care of their health as it is not that fantastic..we have to avoid deep fried oily stuff, drink loads of water and not alcohol and have plently of sleep..which is one of the hardest stuff for me..but i guess i gotta believe it as lately i have not been feeling too well frm CNY till now...

for work, i gotta communicate more with colleagues and superiors to prevent ppl from backstabbing..but at the same time gotta be careful with what i say or joke about to avoid uneccessary misunderstanding..

for love, this yr ppl born in the yr of dog fan tao hua! the book also mention that i have a lot guy friends and ppl gg after me but none of them are true to me...haha..so advise is not to get into a relationship this year as it is not gg to turn out well...next it also states that in my heart, i have someone whom i yearn for dearly but he is not gg to return..wtf! this book seems to be reading me inside out right..hahaha..

that's the brief of what's for me in 2007...the book seems good and quite accurate..or am i just thinking too much...hmm...

Eager..Stressed!!

2007-02-23T13:50:00.000+08:00

in case everyone thinks i'm missing in action, i better start to have this post here first..keke..

CNY is still here but i do not feel the festive joy and excitement anymore..dono why..maybe it's due to age catching up and i no longer enjoy the things i use to enjoy when i was young..oh ya this year my ang bao collection also shrink..coz i think i getting old le and am working already so everyone start to scrimp on my ang bao..sobs...

this mth seems a really fast month..before i know it, mth end closing is coming again and this month i'm zero sales..so sad...that means next mth i gotta close 4 deals and try to hit 43k figure..so that i am elligible for the 4K bonus..new scheme by boss..if u hit 80k for a quarter, u get 4K bonus and the excess u get 10%..sounds great right..so now u know y i'm out of action?? coz i working hard to see if i can get a 8k-9k pay cheque for Mar! if it happens, rest assure..u guys will be treated to a gd dinner!

hope everyone had a gd mth with so many festives packed in..V day then CNY..for me i had an xtra which is my birthday..really wanna thank my company for the pressies and the cake, my dear friends as well...u guys were terrific..u all added tons of colors to my life and i really thank god for that! u guys mean alot to me and u will always be..those new friends that i made from my photoshooting, thank you for making me look so pretty and thanks for the night out too..u guys were great company too..special thanks to espn for being my uncle agony..lol..i know u r reading this and muz be smiling happily..haha :)

cheers~

Counting Down..

2007-02-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

phew..wat a terrible month it is for me in February..though everyone is excited about CNY just round the corner, i'm no where in that kinda mood..to me it's such a troublesome festival with so many things to clear and do..

the big zero is still sitting on the whiteboard in my office..no deals done for this month yet..have been wrking hard on a client who has given me 5 roles but to only realise today after a month plus of searching and waiting for feedback that maybe only 1 role will be able to close..the rest are still pending for more candidates..wtf man!

tot this would be my lucky mth as it is my birthday month but i'm terribly wrong..super duper sway lor..nottin is going well...super sian! god please give me some closures at least..so that i can have a happier birthday..

3 more days..tick tock tick tock tick..

Thoughts...

2007-02-09T11:14:00.000+08:00

CNY is just round the corner..everything seems to be so different for me this yr and last yr..lots of changes swinging by and me having to adapt to it..mum mentioned this yr no bah kwa liao..coz every yr my bf sure buy bah kwa for her one but this yr, i have no bf..stunning to alot of ppl that i'm single! believe it or not, well that's the truth..

was catching up with Jerry ystd..it's been a long time since we met up with each other...was telling him abt my wrk..complaining abt this and that in SG..honestly speaking, i was thinking, since i do not have a bf now, no hubby, no kids to look after, maybe i should opt to work in sydney for 2 yrs and experience a diff kinda life..and if that happen i think i have to give filo away..which is quite sad..

but things are like getting stagnant for me here in singapore..i think i need a change..i need an injection of new blood, new fluid, new life! things are so bored right now...everyday's work, home n weekends are party till u drop dead for both sat and sun...

something is missing despite all the fun that i'm experiencing..it's fun but not happy from the heart within..i seriously need a getaway from singapore..

7 more days..

Pay Rise

2007-02-01T22:42:00.000+08:00

while i was feeling all blues as 2 of my expected deals to come in on 31 Jan flop, i saw a big fat envelope on my desk after i return from toilet on Wednesday afternoon...i was thinking.."shit it must be some warning letter as i have been late a few times for the month." Plus my boss was telling me don't open it now..open it after 530pm..it makes me tremble even more..

but when i opened it finally when i stepped out of office, it was an increment letter! they have raised my salary by another 15% after my 4 mths of service with them...

that was certainly the sweetest thing for the day and yes, it definitely make my day..at least in this company all my hard work and efforts are recognised and paid off..and with this increment, it juz simply means i gotta work harder...lol..but i'm still extremly overjoyed and beaming with smiles..

Crazy

2007-01-30T15:28:00.000+08:00

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...i'm going crazy..yes i am!!!!

is it work stress or watever the fuck it is, i'm just not right!!!

i need a pillar..i think i have been far too strong and independent for too long!!

i still believe-vivian

2007-01-29T22:06:00.001+08:00

my fave song..nice mtv..meaningful fairy tale lyrics..pretty babe too..

Moody Moody Moody

2007-01-29T10:24:00.000+08:00

weekends over in a blink of an eye..though it was just like any other weekend that i had, but i was feeling different...life is getting so routine for me..work then home and weekends work then club..drink, drink, drink, party, party, party...sort of feel that this kinda joy is meaningless..

ystd or infact lately, i've been missing J alot..so much so that it is affecting my mood i guess...while i was lying in bed last night, i suddenly missed him so much that tears started to drop..and i text him telling him how i felt all these while..i know i shouldn't have done so but my heart and brain were weaker than my fingers..

despite all the fun and laughter that i have now, they are not true to my heart..
despite having so many friends and suitors around me, i still feel empty..
despite having been in a few relationship after him, they have never filled me completely..

cause i think somehow, somewhere in me, there is still this incomplete piece of puzzle...

Mixed Feelings

2007-01-22T13:59:00.000+08:00

weekend was nothing new..fri after wrk, went to meet nenny at vivo city as she is returning from batam..i managed to dig xiao fang out also as normally fri she will b meeiting her bf..so we all met at vivo city for dinner..

after dinner, xiao fang left to meet her bf and say that she will join us at dragonfly after that..but inside our heart we know she won't be joining us as this happens all the time..so after dinner me and nenny waited at vivo city for one of her robert to deliver her the N73 black edition..this man apparently bought her the 3rd phone already..every time her phone spoils, he will get her a new one..so gd right..i want such robert also..hee hee...

after that we went bk to her hse to freshened up, touch up and doll ourselves..then at ard 10pm, we heard someone opened the door and we were shocked xiao fang came hm so early..and yes, she changed and joined us to dragonfly..we were really surprised..that was bcoz friday after mid night was her birthday..and she didn't tell us till 1210am...or not we could have got her a cake..but trust me she was dead drunk that night! haha..

so weekend juz pass in a blink of an eye..been clubbing both days as usual but the feeling was different as i know there's a man there waiting for me patiently to make sure i was safe and sound..all these while when he returned, i never tot everything he mentioned was gg to be serious..i tot it was plain sweet talk...but his actions start to let me feel that it is for real this time..

but then again..this morning when i saw J updated his friendster with a pic he took with a lady, i lost myself again..somehow i was worried is that his gf? then as i click on the pic, he says "me and my dearest bro", i sighed a relief..have i really not gotten over him? am i really wishing he will return one day like wat my heart is always telling me? is my feeling or intuition real?? sigh..i guess i am just thinking too much..i tot i have let go of everything, but only to find out all these while, i've been deceiving myself so much...

Disappointment

2007-01-19T13:58:00.000+08:00

he has disappointed me twice by not keeping his words..he has asked me out twice but did not make it in the end..perhaps this is a gd thing..at least i can see how "sincere" he is..a gd test for this one mth..

he's asking me out tonight again..and yup movies again...boring right? but well, whatelse can we do in sg..nottin much..will he disappoint me again?? keeping my fingers crossed...

wishlist

2007-01-18T17:30:00.000+08:00

this week have been a terrible week..really looking forward to friday for me to let loose..work has been pretty much stress but glad i have picked up a new hobby..playing maple story..haha..

nowdays, after wrk, i will head home, switch on my pc and sit infront of it till 1230am playing maple..haha..never ever tot i would get hooked on such things before...

anyway, i'm counting down to my birthday and getting all excited abt it..i wanna get totally smashed that night..have not had the feeling for very long..haha..and in the meanwhile, i'm planning what to get for myself..at the moment, i am looking at the mont blanc or loewe card holder and also the following bags..any comments??

Jimmy Choo Theola Bag

miu miu coffer bag

The Reunion

2007-01-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

ystd got a call from one of my long time buddy whom we always club together..he called to ask where i was gg and i told him as usual este then later to dragonfly..then he said they gg dragonfly then i said dun bluff u won't go so early one u sure go zouk first one and i dun wanna go..and i was right! haha..

but in the end they acc me to este and meet with my 2 other girl friends and we spent the night there! haha..so amazing..first time we club together at este..and this time round, it was with the crowd we used to club with at devils..except a missing ziyang..lol..all of us really missed those devils bar days..haha!

that's my life now..friends, party and fun!

THE REUNION - all already very high then take pics..lol

Cancelled Trip

2007-01-12T10:46:00.000+08:00

sigh..should be enjoying my last day with baby and D at bkk today...but unfortunately i was not able to make it to this trip which we all looked forward to so much..nevertheless, hope they had a gd trip..

beginning of the year and i'm starting to feel stressed up..lots of work and pressure from my director..i'm bitting on tight to my teeth to embrace this year for a leap through in my career..

as for love life, don't ask me anything, i dun wish to be involve in any now..

35 more days..i'm excited!

Unfolding a New Chapter

2007-01-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

just when everything went down hill and while i had slowly nursed my pain to get back on my feet again, something new always have to happen..just when i thought i have lost the whole world, and getting used to my normal schedule again, someone will have to pop up...

last yr was really tough gg thru quite a diff path and riding thru lots of hurdles..when i had packed up all my emotions and moving on to a better me, comes another intruder..this time this intruder is diff frm previous intruders..he is someone i've know years back, lost contact and now we r back in touch again..

is this fate or it is just another foul play that god has plunged on me?? i've really lost all confidence in love and yes, i've lost all ability to judge a man anymore..

Unbelievable

2007-01-05T14:29:00.000+08:00

TGIF..after such a long break getting back to wrk is sure tiring and moody..but well it's friday again and it means party time for me! today's exceptionally busy at work with 4 new high calibre deals to wrk on..gotta really crack my head on that..

next big thing that happen today..really really dono how to describe how i feel...one of my ex fling contacted me back again in friendster as he did not have my new hp no. then i also dono y i gave it to him again and we started chatting away in sms and msn...he told me after so long he still can't forget me and when we broke off, he did have a gf but it didn't last..he told me he still felt for me..honestly speaking i think he was lying but then again when i think back, y should he lie to me wat will he gain..sigh..i'm confused again!

he is now in the process of getting his pilot license..he still have another year to go..i told him honestly bcoz u r gg to be a pilot, i dare not even say i wanna try to be with u again as being a pilot sure alot of girl throw themselves on u one..then he said i knw what u mean..then he said he know those girls only out for his fame and money so he won't bother abt them..he know i'm not such a person that's y he wants to be with me! so i told him i give u a month's time..to be fair to u, if u can prove u r true and show me ur sincerity and can touch my heart i will consider..and he said ok!

i really feel like i'm dreaming..suddenly such a nice guy pop up again..y wasn't it J who said all these?? sigh...he even said:-

Remember " A brand new year, start with a brand new chance u gg to give to yrself"

"A brand new chance, will inturn gives u a brand new life with a brand new person which u noe b4"

romantic hor..hahaha..once again i'm stuck! so many suitors all frm diff line, diff personality but all treat me so nice..a bouncer with a super caring heart for me, a navy regular who is always there when i need him, a PR manager who is always so sweet to me and now a soon to be pilot who really touches my heart and understand me....

oohhh...shld i say i'm blessed or should i say i'm troubled..

Brand New Year

2007-01-03T11:03:00.000+08:00

in a blink of an eye all the holidays are over and so is my long break..today's first day of work in 2007..feels damn lazy after resting 1.5 weeks..really miss those days while i was not working! kekeke..but thank god 2006 is over as it was not a very gd year for me..hope 2007 will be much much better!

wat did i do over the 1.5 weeks..well, practically i was drinking almost every night till 6am in the morning and slept thru the whole of the next day..and this cycle went on! i think i only managed to give myself 2 off days thru that period of time! hee hee..really enjoyed myself till the max!

christmas eve and nye was great party, great fun with great friends..after so long, finally i got to countdown to a brand new year with my best friend, baby! hahaha...so happy man! below are some pics of that evening..

baby with me...

nenny and me

ivy and me

me and gary

me and guitarist

everyone's asking me what's my resolution for 2007, to be honest not much resolution..this time i'm gg with the flow..don't want to set too many things to accomplish..,.i just wanna have higher pay, better career and be happy and healthy! it's really just that simple.. :)

Christmasss is Here

2006-12-22T10:15:00.000+08:00

today commemorate my last day of work for 2006. our company will be closed till 3 jan 2007. yippe yeah!!! infact today only working half day..hehe...i love my boss i love my company!

after work gg shopping to hunt for pressies for baby and another friend...luckily not really after office hrs or not orchard will be damn crowded i believe..

well, baby got me a pressie..it's still sitting on my table and i've not unwrapped it..me being eager like a little girl wanting to tear open the presents juz have to tolerate abit more..as baby says i can only open it on monday..sigh..

here' wishing everyone MERRY CHRISTMAS! Have a joyous holiday..

Botak Jones

2006-12-21T13:42:00.000+08:00

new bag to use for christmas...lol..collected our long awaited bags from the spree and then met up with baby for dinner..and guess where we went for dinner?? BOTAK JONES!!!!! haha...

baby, D and me went to the branch at amk blk 608...my first time at botak jones, D ordered thai burger, baby ordered fish and chips and me swanky franky (which is chicken frank with melted cheesed wrapped with bacon)...drool....the meal was fantastic..served with salad and cajun fries..the portion was definitely the ang moh portions they serve in US..HUGE, LARGE..but they are really cheap and worth the money..they taste superb!!! here are the pics to make u drool...

D's thai burger

baby' fish and chip..half eaten...she was too hungry

my swanky franky..lol!!

Confirmation

2006-12-14T13:19:00.000+08:00

woo hoo..at last something happy to share with everyone! i got confirmed today! lol..past few days were terrible as i was trying to cope with figures on the board and trying really hard to get some gd candidates...but it was hell...my sg boss has been pressurised by aust big boss and is in turn presurrising us..but now at least i sigh a little bit of relief knowing i have been confirmed..keke..

a little update about my bollywood party in sydney..it was really splendid! great food, great drinks and great company! wat more can u expect...lol..here's the link http://new.photos.yahoo.com/chanfly423/album/576460762366953795 to some pics of the event..

well, life isn't that bad for me after all...it's only in my love life that sucks..other than that i have a great family with my little girl, great friends around me, great company in which i work for, great fun with my clubber friends...loads of care and concern from ppl around me makes me feel really good! i love you guys!!!! u all never fail to be there for me when i need anything..i'm truly blessed!

oh ya end of 2006 is coming..and i'm suppose to have a wish list for 2007..instead of the usual long list i only have 3 and that's it..

1. more money so that i won't be broke every month

2. gd luck in my current career (wrking towards account manager role)

3. stay happy and healthy

cheers!

Sydney 2006

2006-12-08T07:13:00.000+08:00

first time blogging away from home..lol..arrived in SG on SQ221 ystd..not much sleep caught on the plane due to crying toddlers..nonetheless was a great flight..stewardess on SQ are erm..not pretty anymore but the food was great! anyway, arrive in sydney at 7am(which is 4am SG time)..weather in sydney now is fantastic..great sun, blue skies but the climate is cooling..everywhere is like air conditioned.

after wrk yesterday, walk around city with my coll..things here aren't that cheap..think it's cheaper in singapore..later in the evening she went for dinner with her bf and i went off roaming the streets of sydney..walked frm city all the way to the sydney harbour...it was great view with sydney opera house and the majestic bridge..there was also the salior homes and some cosmopolitian arts museum..all by the sea...

slowly the sunsets as i was strolling down the whole stretch..great scenery and was definitely a romantic and lovely evening..everything was complete but it would have been better if there was a love one walking beside me..hee hee..

after the walk, grab some food and went back to my hotel..oh yes, hilton sydney was where i was staying..great hotel man! like the room so much...and oh ya all paid by my company including my flight on SQ...dun be envious ppl..haha...i miss all of you! i'm all alone here...lol!

Men R hard to Please

2006-12-06T11:27:00.000+08:00

Something interesting from an email i receive...read on..

Men Are Hard To Pleased

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like ! a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u. (Bullshit)
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u ar e too SENSITIVE!!
& sooo hard to please!!!!!

32-type Dating Test

2006-12-05T10:13:00.001+08:00

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDf) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.
Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs. BEWARE: The Hornivore CONSIDER: The Gentleman, The Loverboy, The Boy Next Door

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

2006

2006-12-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

time seems to be going faster each passing year..unknowingly, we have came to the month of dec..which means 2006 is ending soon! phew..growing older faster and faster..

well, dec is always a joyous occasion with lots of reason to spend with the great sale and xmas round the corner...as for me, dono y i seems to lost that kinda excitement for xmas and other great occasions..y? i also dono..

3 more days and off i am to sydney...i will be missing you guys badly!

Gathering

2006-11-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

sun and today were indeed the most relaxing days i've had and light hearted one i gotta say..

manage to meet up with yang, alvin and nerrisa for dinner..had mala steamboat and then rochor bean curd..was super full but the whole night was great with loads of catching up..esp after not seeing them for 2 months i guess..but was really glad i was never forgotten by them..they r still always around when i need them..

went to daniel's hse to look for jasmine juz now to pick up my OPI stuff and some story books to read..catch up abit, as usual when we get together, we tend to bitch alot..lol..well, we r ladies k..so nottin to be unusual about..following that went downstairs to have the western food that daniel's frd claim was great..but yucks..not that great after all..and we all agreed that we still love that hougang one..

tmr we might be gg clementi to try that botak western food...yummy...i'm drooling.. :-)~

another hectic week

2006-11-24T16:21:00.000+08:00

sigh..this week has been really stressful and busy..busy with entertaining clients and boss..
busy with searching candidates to meet targets but to no avail..one more week to mth end and i have no figures on board yet..not only me alone but the whole team..we are all stressed out! and we r beginning to suspect is the fengshui of this new office...

other than that, have not been catching up with friends too..i dono y..time seems to be so short and limited..feel like time is running out..nowadays i only look forward to weekends as it is the only time i can really let my hair loose and unwind myself..meet up with some crazy ppl who need to release tons of stress as well..

love matters, heart matters are still lingering around somewhere..i'm trying my best not to think of it or not i really dono when i will just collapse..i'm trying to control myself and yes infact alot of ppl think i'm acting weirdly..watever! keeping myself bz is really the best way out now..have recently fell in love with photo shooting, being ppl's model..took my first round last week, i'm gg to have one coming up tmr as well..gg to be done by my pri, sec till now friend..haha..other than that, my schedules are packed with driving lessons and yoga..am thinking wanna take up salsa or exotic dance anot...then i guess i will be jammed packed like sardines in a can....

i'm still sorting out my thinking, reflecting my own thoughts...somehow got somethings cleared..i wanna have a career and also a man..but how am i gg to do that..that is a big questionmark..i guess i juz have to learn to relax and not be so rush in everything i do..take things slow..and not be so strong..as alot of ppl have told me before that my character is really too strong and scary for a woman..i'm still learning ppl....hoping to curb watever does not benefit me...

sick...tired..

2006-11-20T14:40:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling all sick and wobbly..sick physically and mentally..

how i wish there was someone here now to:-

sit next to me and pat me to slp,
cover me with a blanket,
hold my hand and sayang me,
give me a big hug,
feed me my medicine,
to check if i was ok

but i all by myself..and this feeling sucks!!!!

Forgetting

2006-11-18T19:28:00.000+08:00

it's easy to know someone, get along with someone well..but it's never easy to forget someone..etched deep in my heart and memories, 2 person i can never forget no matter wat..no matter how hard i tried, even when i told myself "hey i'm better now i dun miss him anymore", sometimes visuals just brought all the sadness back..i simply miss them..i'm self reflecting trying to heal my own wound now..trying to know better wat is it in life tat i want..i tot i knew it all along but not i'm unsure...sigh!

Another Week

2006-11-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

i've received complains of me not updating my blog again from my dear friend IVY. She says every afternoon lunch time click in see no updates super sian! So well, here it goes...

let's start from sunday till now coz this week has been a crazy week for me..sunday woke up at about 2pm in the afternoon still feeling goorgy frm sat's night drinking and partying till 6am. After cleaning up, brought filo down to the pet groomer thinking give her a basic grooming coz i lazy to bathe her..BUT..the groomer was not working! so LL have to bring filo home..then play with her, slack abit at hm, watch tv, munch on my tibits then ard 4 plus my uncle called and we all went ikea as my bro wanted to get a study desk..one desk and we took 3 hours to complete our shopping..

super shag..lack of sleep, water and food...

discussing about which table top and which table legs to get...this discussion went on many many times..

my bro and my cousin..my bro is getting tired and confused here already...

finally get to get our hot doggies while the staff gather our stuff from the warehouse..

yes we are all packed and ready to go..after that was a sumptous seafood dinner and sunday's gone in a wink..

monday was bk to work day, after work went for yoga with my coll at true yoga..did hatha yoga..well, the steps were hell diff man! stretching, balancing..phew..it's never easy..

tues after work, was quite early, went to buy bomberman game for my DS and then headed off for my practical lessons at ssdc..

wed was suppose to go driving but ended up in orchard with ivy to shop for botak's present..and we finally decided on getting him the mont blanc namecard holder..hope he likes it..

as for today, i'm having dinner with my parents and auntie for her belated birthday treat at city hall..tmr i'm gg to este to celebrate botak's birthday and sat i'm free..sunday morning 9am i'm having my first photo shoot at sentosa..i'm all excited about it! hope the pics will turn out well..

2006-11-09T22:52:00.000+08:00

Character of a Feb baby..

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

Some how it seems like all they have mentioned is so true for me...scary man!

2006-11-07T19:05:00.000+08:00

不准哭{MV}

nice and meaningful song...

2006-11-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

things are getting better now my dear friends..as promised, i will stand on my feet again no matter how hurtful the pain is..no matter how weak i am..i'm lucky to have u guys around as my pillar, as my clutch and as a hand who grabs me tight when i fall so i won't get too hurt..

baby - thx for all the advices and encouragement u have given me..without u, i think my life wouldn't be so meaningful anymore..and thx for introducing me ST!

ST - thx for being here all these while with ur valuable comments when u urself is already having so many problems..

dave - i know you might not be reading this and u never will be as i never gave u my add before..thanks for being so nice and caring all these while when i'm in shitty mood..u have always been around to make things better regardless of watever the outcome is..if i ever hurt u in any way i'm sorry! u r a nice guy.get urself a better girl..dun waste ur time on me..

ivy - thx for ur company when i needed to be out of my house..i knw u dono how to console me coz everytime if i am to cry or start talking abt it, u will fall into silence..but i know u r still there for me..

to all out there, i'm better now..just that my heart is taking time to heal..and this process is gg to take very long...not all bcoz of him.partially ba..majority still belongs to my ex..sad to say that..i think i'm so sad bcoz after so long i'm still such a failure in love..my family ties are well, i have gd friends around me always, my career is taking off well..the only thing that is not well is my love life..think it's all fated..

really sick and tired of love and relationship now..i just wanna be alone..be it 1 yr, 2 yrs, 3 yrs or watsoever, i guess i'm happier that way..happier than i was attached!

the song belong is to all my dear friends who has always been so supportive..thank you!

JJ - 只對你說 Zhi Dui Ni Shuo

healing

2006-11-01T16:50:00.000+08:00

thanks ST and baby..u guys r always around the corner for me in times that i'm at my lowest...really appreciate it..i think in our union, i'm the one with the most prob! hahahaha..

anyway, i'm gg thru this healing process once again..of coz it's not easy..have been drinking alot lately to numb things but in the end it was the reverse effect..but ppl, i think i have sort of straightened my thoughts..wat's mine will be mine..wat's not, no matter how much effort i put it will still not be mine..time for me to wake up! if fate wants to play a fool of me let it be..

for YOU if you are reading this page still, I have really not blamed you for anything, neither have i ever regretted being with you..so dun blame yourself and hope you will stop avoiding too and let things happen naturally..if u claim that we are still friends, don't avoid..nothing to be akward about..if u continue this way it will only make things more akward for us and our dear friends around us...

我知道我们都没有错
只是放手会比较好过
最美的爱情回忆里带去(待续)
(相信你我还会有开始只因我们都没有错)

dimly lit

2006-10-31T12:38:00.000+08:00

walking down the same road, continuing the same journey...but everything is never the same again...the lights gets dimmer and dimmer as i walk further..the colours around me started to fade slowly to black and white..the chills are getting colder..the air is getting denser that i could hardly breathe now..

suddenly came the total darkness..everything has just collapsed infront of me just like that..in a blink of an eye i've lost everything that once was so colorful and beautiful...

my heart froze and came to a stop..my tears never seems to dry up and what's worse, my mouth can no longer speak what they wanted to say...they just feel so weak, tired and helpless...

girl, sorry that i have not been answering your calls or reply your sms..i know u r worried abt me...dun worry..will call u when i'm ok..

2nd post a day

2006-10-27T18:27:00.000+08:00

i know it's really funny seeing me post twice on the same day...well, dono y lots of emotions just keep choking up on me, tears keep flowing down and i dun really wish to talk abt it..so the best way i guess is to pen it down..

he mentioned so much about wanting to be friends like before again, but looking at the way things are, it is so different..is he juz finding a better excuse to end things?? maybe..watever he is doing now is really affecting me so much..he has seems to become another person..someone that i have never known before..not the usual him anymore..his attitude and the way he talks to me is so cold..it really hurts..maybe he really want me to give up on him completely...

if he is really not sincere in being friends, what's the pt of saying it..i'm so lost and so down once again...how long was it since i last felt this way....why do things have to turn out like that..sigh..

i'm constantly reminding myself now, not to be sad, not to cry, not to think about it anymore....i will survive this ordeal..but my brian and my heart are not tallying..fuck!

Back to starting pt

2006-10-27T12:41:00.000+08:00

things for me are pretty much back to where i am almost a yr back...how i'm feeling right now is practically so hard to describe..feel so restless, weak, my heart feels frozen, but somehow i still feel pain and sadness...tears fills my eyes every now and then should things juz pop out in my mind..

well, all these once again i only have myself to blame..i do not blame him neither do i hate him as i know deep in him, he didn't want this to happen too..everything juz happen at the wrong time..i met him too early..initially it was really hard for me to be friends with him after we ended coz i really do like him alot and it really hurts..but gradually, i msg him ystd to say let's be friends..coz i dun like the feeling of having to avoid each other when we have a common grp of friends where we all go out and have fun together..another reason might be bcoz i really miss those days where all of us were out happily enjoying each other company and of coz i miss the bkk trip the most..looking forward to more trips with them..

oh ya, other than that, my girl has became a woman too..she got her first heat on wed night..her temper is lousy too..just like a woman! keke..anyway, mine is equally lousy too..but thx to the ppl ard me who always pamper me so much and who are always there for me..i really appreciate it! u people know who u r...

right now, i really wish i was all alone on a breezy beach, with not too warm sun, lying down on the soft white sand and then continued by sinking myself into the clear blue water..the mood now definitely sucks big time..i need a place to heal..to ease that soul of mine who has once lost confidence in love again...

everyone is right about me...i'm a success in life, career, family, friend...but i'm always a failure when it comes to love life! sigh...maybe i should just be left alone till i die..maybe i'm juz not worthy of anyone's love....

sometimes, i just ain't as strong as i look after all..ain't as confident as i seem..i have my soft and weak side too which is not visible to all..i'm also just like any other woman in a way who sometimes need protection too..

Extremly down

2006-10-20T10:40:00.001+08:00

it's been awhile since i've felt this way...it feels like my soul is empty..walking aimlessly down a stretch of long straight road with no road lights...everywhere seems so dark..i can't see what is ahead of me..so lost and cold...

once again all this is caused by my impulsiveness and foolishness..i dono why but it seems like i have no energy to talk abt it..i very much want to but when my mouth open, nottin comes out..i'm horribbly regretful for one word that i said and this indeed has changed my life once again!

i hate myself for not learning from mistakes, hate myself for being so stubborn and hate myself for letting go of such a wonderful and happy period in my life after so long..most importantly i hate myself for suggesting to end everything when i know deep down in me i never wanted to let go.....

Honeymoon??

2006-10-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

honeymoon period is what everyone labels us to be going thru this period of time..
well guys, it ain't as honeyed as you think it is..well..think everything has it pros and cons ba..

going thru the pics of me and him in my pc..definitely flash backs appear every now and then..
from a talktive, playful friend to a girl of his..happy definitely i was but sometimes i somehow feel lost too..he is juz not as easy a man to handle..handling him is like handling me..i finally understand how it feels like to handle myself..lol..

maybe he is not really into me..maybe he just needs a stepping stone..maybe i'm thinking too much..maybe maybe maybe...

however, weekend was a great one for me..i felt good, happy and felt that somehow i really meant something to him..but when i was asking him if he rem what he told me on sat night when he was drunk, he knew nuts about it..so woman the next time a guy tells u he knows what he is saying when he is drunk don't believe them! but sat night was really an enjoyable night..first time he hugged me in front of his friend..so many things that he said really touched me..BUT..he forgot everything he said..so disappointed! sigh..

Playful..Happy..Cheery

2006-10-12T10:43:00.000+08:00

gave Him a really shocking big surprise last nite by appearing right infront of him unexpectedly..went to his workplace's carpark to wait for him to finish wrk..was really rushing like mad as i was at bala drinking with his frds and it was damn hard to get a cab there..in the end i managed to call a cab and arrive at T1 at 10pm then i walked really fast to the carpark to wait..luckily he juz finish wrk and was walking to the carpark..

well......really happy to see him in such joy..he was so diff ystd..in such chirpy cheery mood..hope he really felt shock, happy and touched like wat he mentioned..guess that kinda feeling must be quite sweet right??? hmm....well, i was being labelled playful for that..

Misses...

2006-10-11T10:56:00.000+08:00

a month of understanding each other, getting into each other life and creating an impact in each..

gradually and naturally fate brought us together on 2 oct with him being part of my life..

9 days into a relationship with 4 days of not seeing him..the longest period of time i have not seen him since i met him...really not used to it..

but well, my heart has definitely grown fonder as i really miss him tons...looking forward to seeing him soon..

Thank god!

2006-10-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

only 4 days into a relationship, some small misunderstanding happened..was i over reacting, was i flaring up juz too quickly..was it all my fault?? a big question mark lies in me..sigh..guess we both are juz too similar in terms of character that we know we do flare up at times and talk quite demandingly..and are super straight forward that sometimes we hurt other without knowing..anyway, everything was solved..i sort of thot it was only a small matter and i'm already blowing up again..think i gotta put in more effort to cure more of my bad temper and compulsiveness..

well, thanks that i still have my dearest pal, baby, around..the first person i turn to for advice whenever things happen..be it my fault or not, she never fails to give me the reasoning and best advice when she knows me so damn well..hey she doesn't say things that u want to hear ok..she come straight to the point..if u r at fault, be ready to get a earful from her..lol..anyway really wanna thank god for giving me such a wonderful friend..like wat everyone said, it's hard to come by a pal really close to your heart, well, i can proudly say i have found mine!!

Back from Holiday

2006-10-03T17:17:00.000+08:00

good times usually fly past faster than those boring times..in a flash of an eye, my 4D3N BKK trip is over..though it was meant to be a relaxing trip, i find that it was even more tiring as we shopped and walked alot for those days and we slept late at night abt 1-2am and woke up at 9am...walked till i felt my legs were gg to give way any time!

what was my harvest, for myself, i bought 4 dresses, 3 tops , 2 belts, 1 set of lingerie, 2 sets of nighties, 7 pairs of shoes and a pair of leather slippers. hee hee...shopaholic rite..well the things there are so damn cheap..or ya i bought a chanel watch as well..chanel J12...

other than that bought tees and other stuff for my friends and family..ate lots of tom yum cup noodles..almost every night for supper..keke..had their mangos too..yummy yummy..had shark fins, tom yum goong..hmm...have been eating alot too..

oh ya, we also went to the shrine to play the 4 face buddha which was rebuilt..it was magnificent and well the weather that day was the warmest too..can u imagine my sweat really flow juz like a running tap..gosh!

one sweetest thing that happen in this trip was actually the last nite of staying there..out of all tireness, in the wee hours, he actually asked me if i wanted to be with him! i was happy, shocked and abit suspicious of him..as that night he drank quite a bit..so i thot he was drunk, but he kept telling me he knew wat he was doing and he is not drunk..sounds similar? hahaha...but i still trusted him..dun ask me why as i do not know it myself too..i'm juz going with the flow and following where my heart leads me to..

anyway, ironically, on the 1st day when i was slping at night, i dreamt that he told me we are not suited to be together as our character clash and i was really devastated in the dream..i think i even cried and cut off all contacts with him..then baby came into the pic too and as usual to console and scold me...keke..but luckily my dream did not come true and i dun wish for it to come true either..

really hope this relationship will not be a strainous one..and yes i have to curb my temper...i'm still learning..dun wish anyone to get hurt again..be it me or him...wish me all the best guys! :)

Heavy Hearted

2006-09-27T16:09:00.000+08:00

suddenly my heart feels so heavy..like a big stone is sitting on top of it..i can't seems to be able to relax and breathe..i can't seems to release all the emotions hidden within me..the kinda explosion is kept deep down...stiring little by little..

have been really quick tempered lately..it's been a really long time since i behaved like that again..what's the root of the problem? i simply have no idea..just wat the fuck is happening to me?? he keeps saying that he is the cause that i became like that but i don't feel it that way...he says i'm troubled about things between me and him but i really dun think so too..i'm taking a step as it comes..let nature take it's course and leaving everything to fate..if this is gonna mean another joke for me, i have no choice but juz to accept it..

sigh...what the hell is it?? fucking hate this weird weird feel...but at least one thing perks me up today..baby mentioned in her post that she was really glad to have me around..well baby, the same goes for me too...u've always been here to go thru my thick and thin with me..lending me ur ears and accompany me when i'm sad or lonely...u r really a great friend, a great sister!

cheery???

2006-09-24T21:30:00.000+08:00

was really on cloud nine ystd nite or rather this early morning at around 6 plus...after many times of him asking me what i like about him, i finally decided to tell him ystd nite after we went home from clubbing..

after i told him that, i in turn asked him a question...so do u like me...took a lot of courage for me to ask that..feel so paiseh and at the same time felt the tension in my heart...but was really delighted when i heard his reply...

been really such a long time that i openly confessed how i felt to a guy..think about 3 years back was the last time i did that..felt my heart was nearly popping out..but at least now i kn0w how we both feel towards each other...and honestly i'm glad with the way things are.. :)

Bad Mood.....

2006-09-22T12:36:00.000+08:00

have been experiencing really bad mood swings lately and they are becoming more frequent..sigh..WHY?? no clues at all...maybe work, maybe life, maybe..maybe..maybe..i need an answer to solve this irritating feeling of mine..

work has been fine except lately big boss putting pressure on our country manager and he is now putting the stress on us..sigh..bad time to join maybe..lol..but overall i'm still happier here than before..guess maybe this plays a part in my swing as i'm giving myself lots of pressure to prove my worth in this new company..

hmm..whatelse?? i think i seems abit lost and can't seems to concentrate on certain things..my mind seems to be fully occupied by don't know what?!...arrrrrgggggghhhhhh...i need to vent my frustration..i need to explode and i need to let it out..but somehow i seems to have lost that kinda ability that i used to have before..is it good news or bad news??

i used to not be able to tolerate things but seems like now i can tolerate alot till i'm losing myself..sigh! hope the break to bkk will soothe my thoughts and feel somehow..how i wish i was laying by a secluded beach now with not too hot sun and drinking some really cold beer with my eyes shut and brain shut down..i really need that i think...

funny feeling

2006-09-20T23:17:00.000+08:00

feeling really weird and funny at this point of time..so uneasy..why? what happen?

hmm..i guess not really used that at this time i didn't get to hear his voice ba..normally, we will be either chatting on the phone or will still be outside together at this kinda hours..

sigh..y am i so bothered..i keep reminding myself we are only friends..but where got friend so nice to wake up at 445am juz to give him a morning call to make sure he is not late for work?? hmm..shucks! what am i thinking...have been constantly dragging myself back to the reality..

we are only friends...that is what he has said too...stop rumbling around brain!! dun think too much...

TANGSPAC Suxx

2006-09-19T10:35:00.000+08:00

really into a foul mood since 11pm last night...received a call from my ex company's admin..
she mention that she is gg to see the lawyer with my mgr tmr with regards to the breach of my contract with them..just for that bloody $5K that i refused to pay him, he is gg to sue me for the breach of contract..fuck him!

that kinda feeling really sucks man! imagine with my 7 months there with them, i close averagely 3 deals a month..that is more than enuff to cover my cost..more than enough to even cover my contract fees...and he can still say well closing deals is part of her job..fucker boss...after this job, it has only determined me not to work for any local or chinese boss anymore,they are all very neow and not appreciative! no wonder 10 years of business andhe has only one loyal staff..the rest are all newbies...

ppl like him, really sucks big time..what makes it worse is he is a hongkie!! fucking stingy poker with freaking attitude prob..brags big but all empty vessels! i need a drink now badly man!! ppl if u were to working for any recruitment agency, please avoid TANGSPAC. bear in mind!!

......

2006-09-17T17:00:00.000+08:00

lost in thoughts..feeling down? not really..feeling troubled? neither...just what the fuck is wrong with me....argghh..i hate this kinda empty feeling thiggy..juz don't feel rite but dono what the hell is wrong..it's not about HIM anymore..i think i have finally let go of him completely..so whatelse is still so bothering me? guess it should be juz another shity mood swing..seems to be having that rather frequently lately..

this weekend was rather a chilled one..only went out on friday nite the rest of the days i'm all cooped in my cosy lil bedroom with my beloved girl..lazing on the beds with never ending conversations on the phone which was filled with laughter, anger, joy and embarrasment..who was on the other line might be filling ppl's thot now as they read this..well, it was the MAN, a new friend that i've know for a few weeks..well, after so long of being alone and meeting so many guys, i guess he is so far the only comfortable one that i enjoy going out with..as i think he is the only man whom so far when i go out with i can be myself and not care too much about keep an image..lol..well, if he reads this he is definitely gg to be feeling flattered!

anyway, guess these conversations and outing things mite be coming to an end soon..i accidentally blurted out some thing that i shouldn't on sat morning at 6.30am..regretful for saying that as i believe some how the tension is gg to be there the next time round we talk or go out..but what's said cannot be undone..really blame it on liquor man..shouldn't have drank so much! lol..i guess u guys also know what mistake i have made so need not make it so clear here rite..well, now that he knows how i feel, i find it harder to face him coz i dono how he feels..what if he feels embarrassed too? ah....all my fault..

all my emotions seems to be stucked in my mouth be it joy, shocking news, sadness, disapoointment, or whatsoever..i feel so dumb and mute now..hate this feeling..

i'm alive

2006-09-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

hi ppl, yup yup, my blog is rotting..i know..keke..like wat baby said, i juz started my new job and hence abit bz..plus i think a new HIM has appeared, have been gg out almost everyday with him so no time to blog at night too..but hey ppl dun think otherwise, he is only a friend of mine till date..lol..juz simply enjoy his company, enjoy gg out with him and chatting with him..we seems to have endless things to talk about..

well my new job is perrfeect except for a flaw..as our systems are linked to aust thru vpn, all our activites are monitored..hence no msn and stuff..but nonetheless, sometimes when boss is not around, i will still log in and chat abit with my dearest pal..start work at 9am now and finish at 5.30pm..lol..for once i can tell baby that i'm gg hm earlier than her but damn it no msn!! lol..

so far work is still ok..not as heavy workload as before yet..keeping my fingers crossed..everything is fine in my life except dad has been hospitalised again on last sunday for some great pain in the abdominal then the back..had done some scanning and they found a 2cm growth in the pancreas, did a scope today and the result will only be out in 4-7 days time..praying hard for good news..

other than that, nottin much..misses all my friends alot...esp baby, i miss the spree and gossiping we always have..

NEW

2006-09-01T15:46:00.000+08:00

Sept has juz begun commencing another new month..does it mean another new start?
everything seems to be the same..except i'm starting a new job soon...*all smiles*
change job again?? lots of ppl will be saying that
but guys i was hunted over this time round..and yes the pay is so attractive i can't say no!

few nights back, in the middle of the night sitting infront of my comp my tears dropped..
yes, once again after sometime..all the blog's fault..sometimes i still visit it..
well at least things are better now..at least he replies my smses..a gd sign for friendship..
i dare not think otherwise..don't wanna pin hopes and be disappointed..

with this new month, new job, new environment..hope it will take me somewhere..
hoping this new month can bring me a new relationship..a new companion..
have enough of fun i guess..feeling that i need someone by me now..
BUT have i really let go of him? have i really decided to move on?
has he stopped living in my heart?? ..........

umpteen times i tell myself, HE has moved on, y am i still staying still?
i keep telling myself to move on..friends has been encouraging me to move on too..
some even told me maybe he has a gf already..why dun u give those guys around u a chance??

why...why...why....i need the light once again..

Bestest Friend

2006-08-24T09:51:00.000+08:00

today marks the day of a remarkable birth of a great woman..and she is none other than my dearest friend, sister, soul mate and buddy..BABY~

we had a celebration with her yesterday at one of the ktv pubs in boat quay..just a small one though..was suppose to surprise her with a cake but who knows that stupid daniel gave me away...lol.. anyway, the enjoyable night ended at ard 2am..looking forward to tomorrow man! our trip to sentosa...more photos to come..

somehow i duno y i'm so into photos now..having this feeling that pictures always tell a thousand words and they definitely speak for themselves..like those candid shots esp which contains lots of emotion..guess i'm immensed with great emotions lately ba that's y i'm into it..anyway...

FRIDAY faster come...muhahahahaha....

Love

2006-08-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

my blog turned 2 over the weekend..it was on 19 aug..thx to my dearest pal who got me started and hooked on this thiggy..this webby definitely contains most of my life story man..happy birthday bloggie! hahaha..

well, i've got a better job offer last week and i've signed the employment letter with them..now having some hiccups with my present company which has a bond..i'm trying to leave this present company with as little damage as possible..talking terms out with them before i decide to do nasty things..lol..

weekends was pretty boring..no moolah so stayed at hm..except for fri nite, went devils as usual..well, commotion arised bcoz of me..there's this guy (guy A) who apparently like me and is gg after me..and then another guy (guy B) who has always been quite close with me came too..and we were dancing together, drinking and he always smoke my ciggis frm my hands..then guy A's fren who is also guy B's fren started telling guy B that guy A is gg after me and guy A is jealous of our actions! my god..can u believe they are so kiddy..anyway, thx god the problems were resolved..all's well, all friends still i guess..

anyway, lately alot of such things happening (think the voodoo jasmine chose for me is really working)..all of a sudden there are so many guys trying to come into my live but seriously speaking, i do not have any chemistry with any of them at all..to me i treat all of them as friends only..no special feelings..i guess my heart has died since that day HE reply me..my heart must have stopped at that pt of time and locked itself up..

i still miss him so much despite me not showing it out..my tears have not dried up yet..how come when i know that he will not return i'm still hanging on?? sigh..guess this is the stubborness ppl get in life..well..lots of choice out there but i'm not at all touched by any...i really miss HIM...

for the loving couples out there:-

Always love your loved ones & show them how you feelbefore it's too late..
You will never know when they will be gone from your embrace..
If you were given a time to bestow petals of everlasting compassion & love to your love ones, today is the day. Love them while they are still here...

Friends..

2006-08-15T10:41:00.000+08:00

been some time since i last scribbled something here..lately have been doing alot of free "consulting" to my dear friends who needed help and advice..be it on work or relationship..

in a blink of an eye, i've been single for almost 5 months! can u believe it! i can't believe it myself too..lol..but thru this period of time, i've seen alot and really learned alot..this period of time was the most enriching one for me and i think the most fruitful one in my life..

and all these are possible with the help of not just myself but most importantly my friends around me..you people are the really important ingredients in my life..i am really lucky to have you people by my side all these while..guess i'm just lucky to have so many "gui ren" in my life that whenever i need someone to be there, there is always someone there..and if i ever need help, help will always be there..i really greatful to god for giving me such blessing..

this entry here is dedicated to my greatest pals..jasmine, ST, zhiwei and Yang..thx for being ard to advise me when i needed some comments and help..

especially jasmine who always scream and scold me to ask me to WAKE UP!! lol..it works somehow though i know i'm stubborn..but i still got listen wor..and thanks for the weekly company to keep my mind occupied!

ST..our mutant, thanks for the "chimology" words u tag in my blogs..some times it does make sense but not all the time leh..kekeke..

Zhiwei..thx for the ipod and thx for your patience in getting my life covered! and also many thanks for the helpful advices you have given me..also not leaving out the help that you wanted to offer me to get bk into friendship with FL. But to be honest, i'm not keen at all..but thanks anyway dude!

Last but not least, yang, special thanks to him for coming right out when he heard me crying over the phone regardless of what prog he was having.

next are to all my clubbing friends who always manage to make me forget my woes thru partying with them..and u know y..coz they are full of c.o.c.k!! meet them and u will knw wat i mean!

the best thing that happen this month is i've finally got hold of my long lost buddy who is a family man now with his little boy Ervin. Would like to wish him all the best in watever he do and hope he can have another baby soon to acc Ervin..Buddy, i really miss those school days! A big thank you to you too for being there always! TNOES...our lil' secret! hee hee...

i really feel so lucky and so blessed drowning in the company of my luvs..

Hectic Week

2006-08-06T02:54:00.000+08:00

- tired

It's been a really hectic and long week..admist my bz wrk schedule and plenty of internal meetings, still finding time on msn..wrk is driving me nuts..looking for things to relax and destress myself..nottin really special happen this week..only i felt that it was a little too fast..as mon is nearing meaning a brand new week..monday blues are already falling on me now..but well at least next week will be a better week as we have a PH on wednesday! LOL..finally a long awaited PH is arriviing..

new asia bar is still as pack as before..went there on wed nite with some colls..before that was having dinner with bebe at manhattan fish..nice food they have there..better than fish and co..oh ya, they even gave me a ride to new asia bar in their new car..lol..the first passenger wor..so honoured! :)

went to catch the lake house with bebe today..the show pretty romantic and sweet..but the ending really abit lame..a person from the past can actually meet up with the person in the future after 2 yrs of waiting! can u believe it..oh..another surprise we got upon alighting the car at the PS carpark was the lovely fireworks..we manage to catch quite a gd view of the firewrks fired by Italy..that led me bk to think that time flies as it was a yr again..last yr still remembered i was watching with HIM..

after movie we went to the arcade at Marina South and had almost 2 hrs of game before we head home..life has been pretty much boring for me..no more clubbings..feel that my body can't take it anymore..chilling out is still fine..anyway guess bcoz lately i have been on the phone to 3am-4am almost every night..and gotta wake up early in the morning for work..

everything seems to be getting on fine for me ya? but not exactly..as there are times when i still miss HIM so much..sometimes i even have to control myself not to msg him..if u ask me if i was juz chucking things aside, i think the answer is NO..juz that i'm trying to control myself to not think too much..leave things as it is and let nature take it's course..

Many times i told myself..When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but. often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can'tgo on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches...

Happy Birthday~

2006-07-30T12:35:00.000+08:00

this whole week has been a really hectic week..work was like hell of a crazy busy...now i'm also incharge of account management besides recruiting..sigh! which means more work and lesser time juggling between these two stuffs..

this week was quite a normal week..after work i have been heading home as i work really late till abt 10pm..think i more like working 12 hrs shift or even more and i got no OT pay..sob sobz..sigh..really work till i'm gg crazy..the other day was so pissed that i nearly wanted to bang the table, stand up, take my bag and go home..but after a stick of miracle ciggi, all the frustration went down..

luckily during this period of time there were 2 prominent men by me who has been giving me lots of concern and support..and yes, they did try to cheer me up too..and another lady who never fails to excite me with all the lovely stuff online certainly perks my day as well..but that means great damage to my wallet..u knw who u r! lol..

today rcv a call from bebe in the mornin while i was only half awake...apparently niu niu went missing..ran out of the house and is gone now..they have been searching high and low for her..hope she will come home by herself as there was no luck in the search..

oh yup...not forgetting the birthday of one of our members in the "pig union"...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ST!!!~
wishing you a smooth sailing road down whatever you do and all the best in your job! :)

Thoughts

2006-07-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling lethargic right now..my brain is running in circles with lots of things shuffling in between..i need a rest..i need a break badly away from this bustling city...

2006-07-21T15:51:00.000+08:00

- confused & bored

i'm so bored sitting in office, hence i decided to blog and do something out of my job scope..bored not bcoz i have nottin to do..infact i have hell lot of shit to work on..but i guess as it is Friday and it's end of the week, all my energy are already exhausted..

this wk was a dreadful week with never ending orders coming in from boss..not enuff hands to juggle them man..was wrking till i nearly wanted to shout i surrender..the other day i was so pissed and sick of my damn job that i actually felt like crying..can u imagine that kinda frustration?? other than that, my cash flow is running super low too..in no time i guess i have to eat bread daily before my pay comes in..keke..too much of shopping and bills to pay..

next is confusion state..guy opp has been getting really close to me..have gone out with him a few times for pool session and luncheons..and nowadays every smoke break he will make it a point to go with me even though it may be he juz stepped into office..and best thing of all he indirectly hinted me more than once abt his liking for me..but as per normal, i pretend not to catch anything at all..well, that's me! i like to act blur at certain times..not gd to be too smart..

work life is hectic, family life is cool with filo running around..and for love life, it is still nil..guess i lost the feeling to love and lost the ability to realise that i've been loved..anyway, ppl are all dying to intro me guy friends the moment they heard i've no bf..and i'm trying to get out of the fix...so no guys for me please...lol!

weekends are here and it's gg to be short as always! so enjoy yourselves people...

ciaos!

Dancing Dog

2006-07-18T18:43:00.000+08:00

- furious

Well, work is getting tougher with tons of jobs piling up in my emails..shoulders are getting heavier each day with those demanding clients..i could hardly breathe now..what's more??! the mgmt is changing it's style of handling us..the most helpful person has now even shut his door at us..telling us the reason for doing so is to help us learn more by not being too reliant on him! what shit man..when most of the time he is the one handling the client and he is the middle man..

sigh..it's only tues and i'm already feeling all worn out..sigh 3 more days to go to weekends..wat a dreadful week..

anyway something to share..my friend sent me this clip which i find it pretty interesting..the dog really so cute and smart..at least this brightens my day juz by a little..
ENJOY~

World's Smartest Dog - video powered by Metacafe